Cause and Effect

Wondering if you are a foodie?  Shop at Wal-Mart and see if you don’t come out frustrated.

Wondering if you should have children?  Borrow three children and take them along with you to Wal-Mart.

Wondering if you still struggle with anxiety and/or irritability?  Take your own three children along with you to Wal-Mart.

Not sure whether that neon blue frosting on your child’s cupcake is artificially flavored and colored?   Watch for pond slime diarrhea the next day.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

For every aisle of frozen fish fillet, there is the gaping hole of fresh bunches of cilantro.

For every idealistic preggo or wistful grandma, there is a mother clinging just barely to this edge of sanity.

For every woman struggling for balance, there is one thrown out of whack by hooligans hanging off her shopping cart.

For every over-zealous and genetically engineered diet choice, there is a revolting bowel movement.

No shit.

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What I’ve Learned in a Week

The selection of cheese at Wal-Mart is appalling. images-2

Wal-Mart has apparently been accepted into more than just our vernacular as spell check just corrected me with hyphen placement.

We look like tyrannosaurus rex when we walk along the road texting with our little tiny arms.

My nearly four year-old is a yes-woman, flashing her smile at all the right times to attempt an early release from time-out.

My six year-old is perfecting well-aimed barbs in an attempt to make the world run her way.

My eight year-old is stuck between an attitudinous pre-teen limbo and a cuddly, sweet girl.

I’m taking the life of my already tenuous midsection into my own hands when I dare lie in savasana with a three year-old lurking.images-1

Namaste is not in a three, six, or eight year-olds vocabulary – at least not in its proper use.

It is near impossible to find board shorts with an inner liner.

Aloe is a wonder ‘drug’.

Fall is coming.  I can feel it in my bare shoulder peeking out from under the quilt in the morning.

You can still go to the playground in the rain if you stay under the trees or in the big wooden ark.

Whole-wheat o’s covered in honey are like crack to the playground set.

The amount of times I’ve been told to ‘not get old’, apparently it’s not advised.

Even if a story is wholly written in your head, it’s still not easy to get it down on paper.

Those plants with the pointy seedpods in my garden are butterfly weed. images

Firefly larva eat slugs, hunting them by their slime trail.

Even though I hate slugs, I still find that fact revolting.

A week, while packed with infinite moments, goes by in an infinitesimal flash.

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