Tag Archives: supporting mothers

childbirth

The Dish on Doulas

As this past October dawned, I woke early on a Saturday, put on some presentable clothes, and drove an hour north to a farmers’ market – and I didn’t even need any produce.

I was researching an article on doulas for Rhode Island Moms. My initial idea was “An Interview with a Doula” to create a personal connection introducing how and what doulas offer. After discussions with three doulas I either knew personally or through a few degrees of separation, the article’s focus became more broad-based. When I saw that Doulas of Rhode Island (DORI) was hosting a Meet the Doulas event at Lippitt Park in conjunction with the farmers’ market, I knew I’d learn even more.

What is a doula?
Click to read more of my article on rhodeislandmoms.com

My trusty little notebook quickly became filled with the emotional and physical support these women provide to mothers everyday in hospitals and homes. I spoke to Emma setting up the table and welcoming guests. I spoke to Katherine, membership coordinator for the doula organization (who connected me with Paulette who gave me more info via phone). I met Ava, based in my neck of the woods and friends with a Warrior Mom doula I know. I met Emily, who had just relocated to Rhode Island and was getting the lay of the land for mamas here. I met Shay who translated her own birth experience into a way forward with future moms. Some of these women prepare mothers in the prenatal phase and see them through labor. Others support them during labor and at home postpartum. Some prepare nutritious foods and provide childcare while mom sleeps. Some do it all. All establish a solid and supportive foundation for moms to thrive.

While it wasn’t meant to be an article about mental health, that is often the lens through which I view issues. I asked several of the doulas what they do to support and assess mental health/illness in their clients. They obviously all watch for the signs and know when to call in help, but I was shocked by the surprisingly simple, yet profound, response Lily had. As a postpartum doula and overnight nanny, she emphasized the benefit of sleep, how even PMAD treatment programs and hospitals focus on mom getting adequate sleep.

How refreshing that if we ensure moms get what they need (ie sleep, nutritious food, companionship, informed decision making), mood disorders may not even arise!

And THAT is why doulas are a force to be employed, paid attention to, and celebrated.

I spent over two hours speaking to and circulating around the doulas of Rhode Island and their table. I told Emily that I could talk about maternal (mental) health all day. “Me too,” she said.

The article that went to press November 5, 2024 could not contain all the stories and wonderful women I met. The way I serve women and mothers is affected by them. I am thankful for their work and their sharing.

With a community like this, women and mothers cannot go wrong.

The doulas who shared their work and time with me. . .
Many thanks

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motherhood

The Kids are All Right

When I saw this image as part of an Instagram post shared by The Blue Dot Project, my mind did the mental equivalent of a fist pump. I’d uttered a very close variation of this to my own father during my own bout with postpartum depression.

“The kids will be fine.  They will always be fine.  Me on the other hand . . .”  I twisted my face into a questionable shrug.  I’m not sure I actually said it, but what I meant was: it was me it was killing.

I wasn’t failing on some self care front. I was totally consumed by the day-to-day care of (at the time) three littles. After that, there was little time or energy left – and all of that went to me keeping it together. Not thriving, not growing, not healing – keeping the fucking lid on.

And I think that’s the irony of preparing mothers for motherhood. And the way we support mothers after birth.

Yes, you should swaddle. Yes, you should lay them on their backs to sleep. Yes, you must wake them for feedings.

No, you can’t take them to bed. No, you don’t need more than an inch or two of water in the bath.

Is there ANY mention of how to care for mother?

The ways that women take care of the themselves before baby don’t necessarily work afterward. Schedules and responsibilities shift. Existences shift. Hell, even space and time shift.

The reality of motherhood is that most women will grind themselves into the ground to provide for the ‘thrive’ of their child.

And that has propagated the species. It has kept generations of us alive and marching forward. It often gives us the fierce, yet tender protection of her love.

But we cannot set mothers up for this. We cannot send them into self-sacrifice unwittingly. No matter how ready they are to swipe tiny bums with warm wipes, they stand the chance of losing themselves and their mental health if we do not support them.

The kids usually are all right. It’s the moms for whom we have to watch out.

Sometimes, I feel I gotta get away
Bells chime, I know I gotta get away
And I know if I don't, I'll go out of my mind
Better leave her behind with the kids, they're alright
The kids are alright, the kids are alright, the kids are alright

Pete Townsend wrote the above lyrics to the song whose title inspired that of this blog post. And it was going to be just the title that inspired it – until I looked closely at the lyrics.

We cannot leave moms to be swallowed up by the all-encompassing duties of caring for and growing humans. Yes, the kids will be all right – but moms should be, too.

  • quoted text Jennifer Butler Basile, memoir
  • song lyrics “The Kids are Alright” The Who
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Identity, Perspective

Holy Smokes

I was going to say something along the lines of “Holy Therapy Session, Batman!” but this has nothing to do with male superheroes. This is all about the ladies.

The innate power of women.

The smoke is from the top of my head blowing off, my mind exploding. The holy vespers of the spirit swirling around the space.

When something is known with surety, a warmth spreads from your chest, across your shoulder blades, up your neck into a tingling of the scalp. Water rises and pools along the cusp of lashes, glazing the eye in a softened yet magnified lens. The heart swells and throws the arms outward, seeking the embrace – of an idea or confidant or both.

Searching all one’s life for the fiat; once found, the yes is effortless.

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