It Just Makes Me Sad

News broke late last week that a California mother had taken the lives of her three children.  Conduct a man-on-the-street interview and you’d likely hear outrage, vile epithets directed at the monster who would kill her own offspring.  My own husband brought it up to me in a pained tone of voice.  He was disgusted.  It IS disgusting when such a thing happens.

But I’m not angry at her.

Horrible events like this make me sad.

Sad that three lives on the cusp were snuffed out.  Sad that poor defenseless, innocent babes were terminated.  Sad that the father had to watch his bloodied babies be carried from his home; that his partner in life, in giving life, was the one responsible.

Sad that no one connected to this woman perceived any threat of dangerous behavior. Sad that perhaps she felt she couldn’t express such feelings before it was too late for fear of judgment, backlash.  Sad that she didn’t know how to get help.  Or perhaps didn’t have such resources available.

Sad that things like this continue to happen needlessly.

We live in a society with a different-hued ribbon for everything – and things like this still happen.

And woman like this are still labelled as crazy.  I found ONE account that handled this story sensitively.  (Read here)

In the anger and outrage that follow such an event, it’s easy to point fingers.  Why was she left alone with the children?  Why didn’t anyone ensure she got treatment? Thankfully, I never experienced postpartum psychosis (nor has it been substantiated that this woman did); even still, I hid my negative feelings for fear of judgement as a bad mother.  I never asked for help because my struggles were so far out of the realm of a competent mother.  Would I have been more likely, then, to admit to homicidal thoughts toward my children?  Not something someone who loves and cares for their children – which all postpartum mothers do on some level – would readily admit.  Therefore, there may not have been warning signs of this impending tragedy.  Many postpartum mothers are uncannily adept at masking the turmoil inside.

So here’s the lowdown:

  • For all its awareness, we still live in a society where women are compelled to hide their unhealthy mental symptoms.
  • For all the coverage of tragedies such as these, a lot of people still cannot recognize or suss out the warning signs and symptoms of the mentally ill to prevent future scenarios.
  • For all the resources available, the paths to these therapeutic and rehabilitative programs are still unclear and/or blocked.
  • For a species that values nurturing, we are quick to throw a troubled and needy person under the bus.

There is work to be done, people.  It is sad that we cannot look each other in the eye and see the need in that person.  It is sad that we look away for fear that the beast inside us will be awakened by the raw reminder in front of us.  It is sad that, instead, we cannot look and see a solution, a way to lift up the depressed and rise together.

kids

Into the Depths

It’s become an all-too-familiar image associated with postpartum depression.  A mother, out of her mind due to internal and external stresses, drives her children into a lake.  The reasons vary.  She may think she’s protecting them from an unseen spectre lurking at every turn.  She may be trying to protect them from any harm she might inflict as an unfit mother.  Whatever the motivation, the stories usually stem from some sort of irrational attempt at ‘saving’ the children under her care.

Last week, the body of water was the Atlantic Ocean rather than the ubiquitous lake.  A pregnant South Carolinian woman attempted to drive her minivan and three children into the ocean on Daytona Beach.  Bystanders sprung into action, pulling the children from the van, while the mother, still trying to head into the waves, apparently said, “We’re okay, we’re okay, we’re okay.”  Thankfully, in the end, they all were.

While reports of a diagnosis have not yet been made, I knew instantly this woman’s actions must have stemmed from some sort of perinatal mood disorder.  Of course postpartum was the first thing to pop into my mind, but then I learned she was pregnant.  Not outside the realm, people.  It’s not as if these mood disorders and psychoses obey that post determination like the flip of a switch.  The machinations that power the beast start churning before the baby pops out.

Indeed, this woman’s sister called police requesting a ‘well-being check’, knowing her sister was having difficulty.  The police suspected that as well upon speaking with her, but “conclud[ed] she couldn’t be held under a Florida law that allows for detention of people believed to be impaired by mental illness and who possibly pose a risk of harm.”  They did arrest her after her release from the hospital later that day, however.  With three counts of aggravated child abuse and a charge of attempted murder.

I do not condone the maltreatment of children and most definitely anything that could lead to their deaths.  However, the charges brought against this woman chill me to the bone.  Simply hearing the story – before any facts – I knew she could not be able to exercise right judgment.  Her sister recognized it.  The police officer who interviewed her earlier that day recognized it.  And yet, she is slapped with such a charge?

There are other issues at play.  She came to her sister in Florida to escape a supposedly estranged husband back in South Carolina.  She said she didn’t want him near the children.  The sister said she spoke of demons.  But then she also told police, “she’s … having psychosis or something or postpartum.”  Volusia County Sheriff, Ben Johnson, said “one goal of charging her was to make sure she gets help for any possible mental issues.”

“This is a tragic event. And our goal is to get her into the system so that we can protect the children and take whatever action we need to help her, too,” he said.

I certainly agree that she needs help, help needed so badly she cannot even recognize it.  But is this the way we help those with mental illness?  By charging them criminally?

And what do we tell the children?  The children reportedly told officers, “Mom tried to kill us.”  No child should have to go through such an ordeal.  But I certainly hope all the support staff that come into contact with these children temper their words.  I hope they avoid judgment and stick to the facts: their mother needs help.

Resources (all info and quotes come from the following articles):

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/08/justice/florida-mother-minivan-ocean/

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/07/justice/florida-mother-minivan-ocean/

 

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