mother vs self, Write to Heal

Subverting the Structure

While we’ve seen the evidence of odds stacked against women and mothers time and again, it’s also clear that our smart strength has ensured continued success despite it. Still, there is no reason our jobs and lives should be any harder. But until society reforms the (lack of) support structures that be, women will continue to rail against the injustices in both overt and covert ways.

While the above description would fit a modern feminist author, it actually describes English and American writers in the nineteenth century. While the cultural mores of the time wouldn’t allow overt criticism, they were “especially concerned with assaulting and revising, deconstructing and reconstructing those images of women inherited from male literature . . . the paradigmatic polarities of angel and monster.” Gilbert and Gubar go on to say, “Examining and attacking such images, however, literary women have inevitably had consciously or unconsciously to reject the values and assumptions of the society that created those fearsome paradigms.”

What characters or authors have you read that subvert ‘fearsome paradigms’ of patriarchy? In what ways?

While fighting for authentic experiences in our own lives, it is empowering to see ourselves reflected in the pages we read for enjoyment and enlightenment. Not images created by someone else that vilify those who dare buck the system.

Does your life, your existence show discrepancies between who you are and who you are ‘supposed’ to be? Are you somewhere in the middle? How does that feel?


Self-help. While the initial image that comes to mind may be a busy mix of paperbacks and spiral-bound workbooks on a bookstore shelf, this was actually another field in which women subverted the system from the inside out. It was at the crux of a “giant upsurge of interest in women’s health care.” (Cleghorn 283)

In their 1973 book Witches, Midwives, and Nurses, Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English said that “every effort to take hold of and share medical knowledge is a critical part of our struggle.”

Self-Help has somewhat morphed into ‘self-care’ these days – but only in the truest sense of the word. In real activism and attention to policies as well as true self-work and growth – not merely beauty routines and out-priced treatments.

How do you take care of yourself?

In what ways do these acts help you choose yourself over what society says is the way to be?

Can you identify one place you could help yourself more? How will you do it?

Can you identify one way YOU subvert the system of motherhood society has set up for us?

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mother vs self, Write to Heal

Sharp Contrast of COVID

In March 2020, the Atlantic proclaimed COVID-19 a ‘disaster for feminism’.

Most of the added labor created by dining rooms turned into classrooms and kitchens into childcare centers fell to women – not because they were the sole caregiver, but due to . . . outdated gender norms? And the added stress of overseeing remote learning brought into stark relief not only the difficulty of teaching, but our nation’s exploitation of school systems as childcare. It emphasized the lack of actual options mothers had. Pandemic conditions also exacerbated the fact that women especially don’t have jobs that support or flex with parenthood.

9 out of 10 working mothers said their mental health had been negatively affected by school closures

2021 TUC survey

A sobering realization, becoming increasingly clear to me, is that . . .

Bridging the gap, between where our support systems are currently and where we women need them to be, will only ever occur when women, likely mothers, force the movement themselves.

You don’t get any fame or followers these days for banging on about the second shift or the feminine mystique, so who wants to be associated with that kind of feminism today?

Natasha Walker

And why not? It obviously still needs to be talked about. My college freshman’s philosophy final had an essay prompt discussing Simone de Beauvoir and it startled me to see how misguided her interpretation may have been! (I didn’t push the issue because I wasn’t going to reteach an entire semester’s worth in the swiftly closing window she had to complete her essay)

Many young women I have spoken to seem to consider ‘feminism’ as a dirty word. Because they feel its usefulness has been worn out? Because they don’t agree with all tenets of every sub-movement? Because they don’t hate men?

The belief that women deserve equal opportunities and specialized options tailored to their current situations and leveled up as conditions equalize – is not a dirty idea, movement, or revolution at all.

COVID exacerbated a lot of what was already there. Now we all need to recover.


COVID Confidential

What was your COVID experience like?

  • Were you working? Did your employment situation remain the same or change? How?
  • What was home life like?
  • Were your children involved in an educational program? What did that entail for you?
  • What fears did you have?
  • Were there any positives about lockdown/pandemic? For you? For work? Family?
  • What did COVID shine a spotlight on that did NOT work about your life – either something that changed for the better or something that got so bad it really stood out?
  • Did your experience highlight any systems that were failed or broken in your life?
  • Is it possible to brainstorm ideas for how those might be improved if they still affect you?
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