The Dish on Doulas

As this past October dawned, I woke early on a Saturday, put on some presentable clothes, and drove an hour north to a farmers’ market – and I didn’t even need any produce.

I was researching an article on doulas for Rhode Island Moms. My initial idea was “An Interview with a Doula” to create a personal connection introducing how and what doulas offer. After discussions with three doulas I either knew personally or through a few degrees of separation, the article’s focus became more broad-based. When I saw that Doulas of Rhode Island (DORI) was hosting a Meet the Doulas event at Lippitt Park in conjunction with the farmers’ market, I knew I’d learn even more.

What is a doula?

Click to read more of my article on rhodeislandmoms.com

My trusty little notebook quickly became filled with the emotional and physical support these women provide to mothers everyday in hospitals and homes. I spoke to Emma setting up the table and welcoming guests. I spoke to Katherine, membership coordinator for the doula organization (who connected me with Paulette who gave me more info via phone). I met Ava, based in my neck of the woods and friends with a Warrior Mom doula I know. I met Emily, who had just relocated to Rhode Island and was getting the lay of the land for mamas here. I met Shay who translated her own birth experience into a way forward with future moms. Some of these women prepare mothers in the prenatal phase and see them through labor. Others support them during labor and at home postpartum. Some prepare nutritious foods and provide childcare while mom sleeps. Some do it all. All establish a solid and supportive foundation for moms to thrive.

While it wasn’t meant to be an article about mental health, that is often the lens through which I view issues. I asked several of the doulas what they do to support and assess mental health/illness in their clients. They obviously all watch for the signs and know when to call in help, but I was shocked by the surprisingly simple, yet profound, response Lily had. As a postpartum doula and overnight nanny, she emphasized the benefit of sleep, how even PMAD treatment programs and hospitals focus on mom getting adequate sleep.

How refreshing that if we ensure moms get what they need (ie sleep, nutritious food, companionship, informed decision making), mood disorders may not even arise!

And THAT is why doulas are a force to be employed, paid attention to, and celebrated.

I spent over two hours speaking to and circulating around the doulas of Rhode Island and their table. I told Emily that I could talk about maternal (mental) health all day. “Me too,” she said.

The article that went to press November 5, 2024 could not contain all the stories and wonderful women I met. The way I serve women and mothers is affected by them. I am thankful for their work and their sharing.

With a community like this, women and mothers cannot go wrong.

The doulas who shared their work and time with me. . .

Many thanks

may is maternal mental health month

Female Fulcrum

Who would’ve thought that being an adult volunteer with Girl Scouts would pay such dividends? Obviously there’s the bonding with one’s own child and building experiences for all in the troop. But the connections between the grown females is what always moves me.

At our troop’s camp-out this year, another mom and I rallied the girls to set up an oversized see-saw contraption. Essentially a wooden dock on a fulcrum, we had to slide it from ramp position to a teetering position so as to ‘ride the waves’. Two grown adults couldn’t do it by themselves and everything Girl Scouts is GIRL-led, so the entire troop found a spot and together we lifted and slid the slab into place.

As the girls leapt onto the sloshing see-saw one by one and experimented with movement and weight distribution, the mom and I marveled at the power of the physical example right in front of our faces.

Teamwork. Small actions combining for a great force. Empowerment. Goal realization.

I remarked how important it was for girls to be in an environment solely for them with ample space for their voices and desires. This led into a conversation about this mom’s experience as a personal and fitness coach, saying that a young man in the administration of her organization had tried to offer tips for improving her practices. She and her core group had already found an incredibly enriching and cohesive bond. She, as a woman, in a different age bracket, and a mother, had all she needed to interface with these women. She had lived in experience.

“There is such power when women gather,” I said.

“Absolutely,” she said. “Especially when it’s a space just for them.”

We looked at each other knowingly, nodding, and I know my eyes were certainly filling.

And all that from a cold, rainy, muddy weekend at camp strong-arming a wooden raft into a precarious – or perfectly balanced – position.

But the community and calm knowing that comes from a gathering of women is what I want to celebrate and what I know to be at the core of maternal mental health.

mother vs self, Uncategorized, Write to Heal

How Did We Get Here?

In 2012, I began this blog as an exploration of my experience with postpartum depression. I wasn’t doing it to publicly rehash all the difficult details; I was hoping that in sharing my story, women who had been to the deepest depths that I had wouldn’t feel so hopelessly alone. And I did find others. They found me. I’ve forged some amazing friendships through the wonders of the web.

In the first part of 2015, I embarked on a new leg of the journey. My research began in earnest, collecting evidence of pre- and postnatal care and experiences, outcomes and interventions – all through the lens of maternal mental health. I completed Postpartum Support International’s Perinatal Social Support Webinar Series. In July, I attended Postpartum Progress’ Warrior Mom Conference in Boston, the first ever large-scale gathering of survivors of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.

I was poised to bring my advocacy to a new level.

I sent my ‘baby’ off to kindergarten – and a month later, got pregnant.

Truly, she was the pleasantest surprise.

My past experiences armed me with a proactivity I hadn’t had in previous pregnancies. And I see now that my knowledge and experience have deepened in the intervening time to enrich my advocacy even more.

Still, even with my depression ‘managed’, motherhood was challenging. And not in a growth mindset sort of way; in a soul-sucking, all-encompassing sort of way. I realized that mothers needed support whether they were suffering from a mental illness or not. Untenable conditions with no support could mean a tip into mental illness. And even if it didn’t, what of a mother’s mental wellness?

With writing being such a cathartic and expanding experience for myself, I sought ways to share it with others. How could I use journalling prompts, easily accessible and customizable to anyone – even if they weren’t in love with writing like I was, to aid women in their journey to authentic and fulfilling mother- and personhood?

In a synthesis of my writing, experience as an educator, and lived-in motherhood, the idea of a workshop was born. A chance for women to share their experiences in a community of empathetic peers and to explore their own personal questions, fears, joys, and challenges through writing. A release and a way forward.

I knew I wanted to offer the inaugural in-person workshops in the month of May, to coincide with Mothers’ Day – not to commemorate that holiday, but to give mothers an alternative celebration of themselves in a world that often lets them down. This finally happened in May 2023. I gave three workshops in three different locations in my surrounding area. But that only served those within driving distance. Readers and supporters reached out to me from other states, even Canada, suggesting a virtual option.

Nothing can replace in-person dialogue and the energy of community and I am no Zoom-inista – but the subscription series was born. I tried to translate the thought and writing prompts into weekly sessions across a monthly theme.

I endeavor to make this a virtual community, even if the gathering place may initially be in the comments section of each weekly module. With the dream of gathering us all in a center of our own someday. A center dedicated not only to the worthy and fulfilling vocation of motherhood – but to the sacredness of our individual personhoods as well.

Write to Heal

Chopping out a Shared Space

After nearly three years of living with postpartum depression and anxiety and four months less treatment, my mind and heart began to yearn for processing through the written word – as it always has. I should have known I was coming back into myself if I began to get that itch, to set pen to paper and excise those thoughts, soothe those frayed nerves.

I even got the urge to share these thoughts online. Still, the stigma – that keeps many mothers from seeking help at all – gave me pause. Did I want to air my dirty tattered laundry for all the world to see – and judge? The fact that all my secrets would be laid bare became the determining factor. If I was to write my story, I was to own it and post it for all mothers to see that they were not alone in their struggle.

Motherhood – be it ‘typical’ or out-of-the-ordinary, adoptive, biological, or step, mentally fit or ill, of littles, teens, or empty-nested, sought-after or surprised, happy or hard – is a challenging road. As I’ve risen out of the deep depths of environmental, mental, emotional, and hormonal morass, I’ve talked. I’ve sat around tables in the dappled sunlight of backyards, holding cups of coffee long since gone cold or empty, on sidewalks, at kitchen counters, in the unearthly glow of the computer screen late at night, in the darkness of a lone streetlamp that just closed its pool of light. And the more I talked, the more I learned that I wasn’t alone. The more I shared, the more it opened the floodgates of similar experiences and struggles.

There is community in common experiences. There is solace in shared realities. There is strength in vulnerability.

If you’ve read a blog post and thought, yes, that’s exactly how I feel, I’m honored that I’ve given a struggle a voice.

If you’ve joined in a discussion at a workshop and felt, yes, I see a way forward, I am humbled that a question sparked an answer.

If you’ve been yearning for a way to hold space for yourself and fortify or expand that space’s edges, I hope you’ll join our journey with its weekly promptings.

Subscription Details Coming Soon!

Chopping Potatoes

and other metaphors for motherhood

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