“It was the first time since the accident that he heard Sonja laughing. As if it was pouring out of her, without the slightest possiblity of stopping it, like she was being wrestled to the ground by her own giggling. She laughed and laughed and laughed until the vowels were rolling across the walls and floors, as if they meant to do away with the laws of time and space. It made Ove feel as if his chest was slowly rising out of the ruins of a collapsed house after an earthquake. It gave his heart space to beat again.”
– from A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
Author Archives: Jennifer Butler Basile
I Am Proud
I see how you drag gray gunk out from under the drain plug with a q-tip
I see how you scrape dark purple nail polish from the bathroom tile
I see the smile you give,
the squeeze of a hand,
the rub of a knee.
How you tackle the monotonous and never-ending mountain of laundry
How you give and give and give
to the point of an extinguished flame
I see how tired you are
yet you keep getting up,
keep going.
I see how you love your children.
You think I don’t notice, but I do.
I see how you bear your pain for them.
Let me bear your pain for you.
That is all
Sometimes you just need to hide in your car for an hour and 20 minutes burning your cell phone battery.
For the Love of Ove
“And when she took hold of his lower arm, thick as her thigh, and tickled him until that sulky boy’s face opened up in a smile, it was like a plaster cast cracking around a piece of jewelry, and when this happened it was as if something started singing inside Sonja. And they belonged only to her, those moments.”
– from A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
Breaking the Surface
If I had told my five-years-ago self that one day I’d be able to sit in a chair at the beach and watch my three children frolic in the water, that self would’ve told me to go jump in that lake.
Even yesterday as I watched just a scene unfold, I couldn’t quite believe it.
Such an occurrence has been hard-fought and won.
And it’s really nothing for which I can take credit. Those little fish just grew of their own accord; tested their little fins and swam.
I somehow managed to keep all our heads above water in the meantime, but suddenly, I find myself with five minutes of peace on the beach.
It is an entirely foreign feeling.
A still, a calm, a quiet I never dreamt I’d get.
In the melee of raising three little ones, I never thought I’d have time to catch my breath, to rest a moment, to sit back and observe.
It’s one of those moments where time suddenly seems to stop and a truth of life is filed.
There are certain things I’ve overcome; certain markers I’ve hit; bits of joy to digest.
They’re hard to recognize when being pulled along with the current, but there are blessed moments of buoyancy.
One day we’ll all be able to bob to the surface.
Self-Care: A Cautionary Tale
I didn’t eat breakfast.
I drank caffeine.
I didn’t take my meds.
I stared at the computer screen all day.
I reread a beautiful, but sad book.
I cried hand-clamping tears.
I had a late lunch.
I didn’t get dressed until 4 PM.
I fought with my husband.
I looked things up online by only the light of my phone.
I went to bed too late.
—————————————
I awoke at 5:45 to the crash of thunder,
the wind whirling,
the rain pummeling.
Mother Nature matching my disconcertment.
Trees torn from their roots,
leaves littering the ground –
a mess of downed limbs and debris.
But soon the sun is shining,
the water a glaze of calm.
Still, my head is in a vice.
My stomach churns.
There is much recovery to be done.
The Future of Fenway
The last time I was at a Red Sox game was pre-kids. Pre-worrying-about-someone-else’s-bladder-but-mine. Pre-stuffing-vibrating-little-bodies-into-ridiculously-small-sweaty-seats.
The excitement was still there. The awe of the gate rising above Yawkey Way. The hum of my soul resounding with the rest of Red Sox Nation.
New sensations?
The abject terror of someone sweeping my child away in the crowd. The overwhelming desire to wrap my arms around them like a mama bird with her brood. Irritation when they wouldn’t hold my hand. Impatience when they didn’t read my mental directions on how to navigate the milling crowds.
This was my first time leading my babies through the big city. I’d done it myself plenty of times, but leading literal babes through the woods was a new and disconcerting experience.
It also offered many teachable moments.
Telling my ten year-old how to keep her bag close. Telling my five year-old who insisted on bringing my old flip phone with no service not to set it down anywhere. Telling my eight year-old not to wave her mini Dominican flag celebrating the retirement of Pedro Martinez’ jersey dangerously close to fellow fans’ heads.
But also, what a bull pen is. A foul line. Tagging bases. Striking out. How to do the wave.
And it was a way to rediscover the magic of rooting for the Red Sox through my children’s eyes. Seeing the spark when they realize that the guy at the plate right now is Big Papi in the flesh. Sharing the excitement of singing ‘Sweet Caroline’ at the top of our lungs. Chanting ‘Let’s go, Red Sox’ in unison.
The Sox may have lost the game, but we’re still a nation of believers. And we may have just clinched the next generation of die-hards. New Englanders live and breathe for their team – whether it’s 1918, 2004, or any year in between.
And that’s worth the whole gamut of sensations that comes with.
Knots
Why do we not let ourselves be held?
Are we afraid of the fallout?
Of the softening
that occurs with the slightest
of pressure on the hard outer shell
Cracking the protection
we have absurdly built up
Thinking we can fool
the shadows that lurk
just out of sight
A touch, a push, a gentle squeeze
and it all comes rushing to the surface
Releasing the tension
that does nothing but tie us up
A Man Called Ove
We all know a man called Ove – or better yet, exactly like Ove.
A crotchety old man. The neighborhood watchdog policing persnickety policies about which no one else cares. A man who never has a nice word to say, who always has something about which to complain.
He exists in every family or neighborhood. In archetypes and novels. Small screen and silver.
He excels in Fredrik Backman’s A Man Called Ove.
A third person narrative and clever titles for each chapter continually referring to the main character as ‘a man called Ove . . .’ (backs up with a trailer – as in chapter three) establish a sort of psychic distance between Ove and the reader. We see him as the world does. The archetypal cranky old man.
But just as many of us secretly yearn for the day and chronological age at which we can tell the world around us how we really feel, such outrageously brusque behavior almost endears Ove to the reader. At the very least, it entertains us. His dysfunctional interactions with his neighbors and clerks at the Apple store made me laugh out loud more than once. The fact that Ove is resolutely dedicated to his lifetime car of choice, Saab, brought me – as a Saab driver myself – even more joy.
While the chapter titles are structured the same throughout the book, readers slowly move closer to Ove and his motivation, the reasons for his dysfunction and underlying sadness. He wants to be left alone. He purposely pushes people away because the one person in the world who made him live – his wife – is gone.
“If anyone had asked, he would have told them that he never lived before he met her. And not after either.”
And so now, “Ove just wants to die in peace.” He wants to meet his wife on the other side and will try whatever means it takes to get there.
What I appreciate about this novel is the empathetic way it deals with depression and attempted suicide. Ove, while archetypal in other ways, does not fit the stereotypical profile of a suicidal person. Backman’s portrayal shows that depression can be situational – and elicit feelings of such dire circumstances that the only option left seems to be suicide.
However, Backman’s novel also shows the amazing strength and redemptive powers of love. It may be love that causes Ove to yearn to be reunited with his departed wife, but it is also the long reach of her love that reminds him to be a better man. It is through the initially annoying love and attention of his neighbors that Ove finds a reason to live. It is the hard fought and won love of a feline companion that offers him solace.
There is love in a riotously abstract portrait blasted in color by a three year-old. In a hand to hold. A skill transferred. A deed proffered. A meal shared. There is love in a sense of belonging, community.
A Man Called Ove reminds us all what it means to truly live and love – and I loved every minute of it.
In fact, I loved Ove so much, the next few ‘Weekend Write-Off’ entries will be dedicated to favorite excerpts of the novel, which is just full of gems. Ove and I will see you next Friday!
Grace
The bounce in the step
the joy bubbling up and over
through words, demeanor, joie de vivre
The hearty laugh
blossoming at the core, rolling out in waves
infectious, contagious, sanctifying – us
The conscious breath
undulating and growing with each notice
the physical embodiment of our existence
It fills us –
if we watch for it
if we train our eyes with a gentle gaze
if we open our heart to the gifts around us
It imbues us with a calming peace
and a loving embrace
We can all glide through life with a little grace




