The stereotypical perfect mom, born of patriarchal standards, ironically only exists in its creators imaginations (and our tortured expectations if we let it). History, and often current attitudes, only see women when we provide an important service resulting in a desired product.

It is the needs and welfare of women, who also happen to be mothers, that go undetected.

The results of a 1933 British survey reported by Margery Spring Rice showed that the “pressures” mothers were subject to “meant their mental and physical well-being was being sacrificed.” One woman stated she felt “nervous and irritable and . . . unable to move or think coherently.”

Post-WWII tranquilizer use increased by women who “were facing a very real crisis of identity, of selfhood” after having “experienced the new responsibilities and relative freedoms of the war years” and then losing them to “the pressures of motherhood and homemaking”.

Sometimes women themselves conceal their needs under the radar.

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Have your needs have gone undetected?

In an environment that adds rights and privileges in the name of equality without reassigning expected duties, which of your needs have slipped under the radar?

Perhaps you first need to make a thorough reflection of what your needs are. Perhaps it has been a long time since you’ve asked yourself that question. If so, start there – by listing or meditating on your needs in your notebook.

Once you’ve contemplated what you need to feel whole and well, consider circling those needs that you meet on a mostly regular basis.

Perhaps you want to pause to meditate on what meeting each of those particular needs does for you.

Now, turn to those needs that are unmet.

Consider why.

Contemplate what their lack means for you.

Pick one and plan steps to meet it . . . this week, in a month, by the end of the year.

Your needs are valid, important.

You are worthy.

They, YOU are worth the fight.