Where did your picture of ‘the perfect mom’ come from? What sources or sociology helped paint it? Were your ideas strictly of your own thoughts and feelings? Or influenced by someone or somewhere else?
Could it be patriarchy?
So much of what we see in our society now regarding the roles of both men and women, fathers and mothers, is based on understandings of nature, physiology, and psychology.
“The struggle to escape the restrictions of society is part of what makes progress for both women and men so challenging. Some of that struggle is caused by underlying biology. While physical strength is no longer needed to govern, big seemingly strong men typically do. That biological difference, coupled with centuries-old cultural precedent, still holds excessive influence.” Leslie Lehr
It is ‘centuries-old cultural precedent’ like those cited in the timeline that keep women stuck in such restricted roles of motherhood.
It even keeps women isolated from each other.
If we orbit in a patriarchal sphere, governed by rules created by male rulers, it is the males who reward obedience to the system. And if they judge success, it does not foster cooperation but competition amongst similar contestants.
“Female bonding is extraordinarily difficult in patriarchy: women almost inevitably turn against women because the voice of the looking glass sets them against each other.” Gilbert and Gubar
And so, does this patriarchal poison infect even the most feminine process – that of growing and giving life? Of course it does. The ‘Mommy Wars’ rage furiously, pitting women against each other in comparison and competition rather than collaboration.
Even fictional literature addresses the isolation and rootlessness patriarchy has put upon women: case in point, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (as analyzed by Gilbert and Gubar).
Reflect upon the ideals of the perfect mother you recorded last week. From what roots of patriarchy did these come? From what male-centered or male-serving roots did those images and ideals sprout? Many of the ‘innocuous’ givens of motherhood, ones that we judge others on for adhering to or not, were born not of necessity, but some other sociological structure. Dig into those roots now and record them below. (Print the PDF if you’d like to label each root of the graphic)
Chopping Potatoes 
I knew that patriarchy didn’t serve women but never would have thought we would be pitted against each other. One of the most salient things I’ve read about nature vs. nurture is that there’s no such thing as maternal instinct, because in biology an instinct is equally represented in both genders of a given species. It’s just the brain doing best what it does most often, which is one of the best gifts of evolution!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Are you saying maternal instinct is socially engineered, too!?
LikeLike
The patriarchy probably thinks it benefits them if they don’t participate in that category of work to do, but studies of countries with paid family leave for both partners show that a rising tide lifts all ships- all sorts of things improve when Dad takes paid leave when his kids are infants.
LikeLike