Well into the afternoon, I felt the warm sun on my face, the air on my arms, the pull of muscles in my legs. For the first time all day.
It took all day to get up, get moving, get dressed, fed. And I only did it because the bus would be arriving at the end of our street, depositing two of mine I’d sent out into the world. The littlest had been my only saving grace all day, tucked under my arm on the couch, smiling up at me.
Holding her hand, toddling down the street in the sunshine, I wondered if perhaps God sent me children to save me.
From myself. From getting lost in the bottomless pit.
They haven’t made it easy. Sometimes annoying and painful. But they got me out into the sunshine yesterday – even if it was late in the afternoon.
2 thoughts on “Saving Grace”
Even as my oldest gets ready to head off to college (!), I know that through my illness my girls have been and continue to be my saving grace, even as I am so grateful that they have wonderful parents who are not me. I would not have had reason to fight and heal and get out of bed without them, and they have given me such intense joy in times otherwise filled with despair, whether they were under my arm or on the other side of a telephone connection.
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