I’ve stumbled upon perhaps my most brilliant and self-preserving idea yet.  Not only will it make and keep my children happy, but it will keep me from losing my patience, temper, and ultimately, mind.

I’ve been increasingly irritated by the constant demands for snack and drink from my cherubs.  It’s a never-ending cycle.  I’ve tried to institute schedules.  Three squares, of course, with one morning and afternoon snack.  I’ve taken into account thirst during playtime, allowing a water bottle at any point during the day.  However, independent studies in our home have found that true thirst is only satiated by fruit juice or chocolate milk.  And that if said thirst is not satiated, desperate whining ensues.  And those little bellies just can’t last twenty minutes until a balanced dinner is placed in front of them.  Oh, the horror, the agony, the hunger eating away at the tender muscle at their bones.

Dinnertime itself presents a whole new slate of irritations.  The heretofore-ravenous hunger is somehow sated within two minutes of meeting those colorful vegetables and proteins; the cup of milk drained dry with t-minus ten seconds before my husband and I sit down.  Just as my mouth is about to close around my first forkful of food, the demands come.  Can I have more milk?  Yes, in a moment, I respond, trying to savor a few bites before I return to the kitchen once more.  But I want miiiiiiiilllllllkkkkkk.  I said you can have milk.  Let Momma have a few bites of food first.  But I want MIIIIIIILLLLLLKKK.  *$#&@*.  I grab the offending cup and stomp to the kitchen.  When I return with cup filled and plop into my seat, oh-so-ready to resume my meal, the next little voice says, Can I have more milk?  *&$@*#&#&@(!  You didn’t know you wanted milk when you heard your sister ask for some?  But I wasn’t done with it then.

It was after one such episode that I came up with my brilliant idea.  My patience gone and my language and attitude most definitely flip, I announced to my husband – gesticulated actually – that I was going to strap a feedbag to the front and a camelbak hydration system to the back of each child.  It would make life so much easier, I raved.  Food and drink on demand!  Their needs met with nary an act on our part.  He laughed and pointed at me: there’s your next blog.

One half of my brilliant idea

Yes, and maybe my million-dollar idea.  At the very least, it would make me less irritated.  Though my kids would probably be the next three statistics in the childhood obesity epidemic.  I guess we can’t have it all – though they’d have food and drink all day if I’d let them 😉