Tag Archives: generational trauma

Grayscale Photograph of Man Laughing
May is Mental Health Month

Generational

Last weekend, I traveled a good portion of the eastern seaboard and visited with a dear aunt. The eldest of her three siblings, my godmother, I hadn’t seen her in seven years. She is the keeper of important family details, historical data. My cousin (and travel partner) had countless deep conversations with her across our four-day visit.

When my aunt showed us her photo album/geneaology book, she pulled out a copy of the following blog entry. Given the weight of many of our conversations, the poignant irony could not be any thicker than if fog had filled the room.

The motto of the weekend, a lot of our family, my life.

Laugh So You May Not Cry
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Legacy

Working with What We Have

The way our parents parented shaped us.

Intellectually, we can understand this. Rationally, we accept this.

I don’t think, however, we realize how much our relationship with them informs so much of our relating moving forward.

Only now, after over twenty years, do I realize how sticking points with my father are presenting themselves in my marriage.

Of course it shows up in how we parent.

But it wasn’t just in how their example informs our parenting behaviors.

Their shit affected how they raised (treated) us and consequently how we see ourselves and so on and so on ad infinitum.

I’ve always said I have to slow my roll as I uncover pieces of my emotional history and upbringing – because any anger I harbor will just come back to bear on me when my kids dissect their own upbringings.

One good thing about social media is that it has normalized this phrase that one of my older girls said she’d heard during a recent discussion:

Your parents did the best they could with what they had

May we all be covered in the Grace of that statement.

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