I never should have read this article.
Surviving as an Introverted Mother by Kristen Howerton
Sure, it convinced me that I wasn’t a terrible mother. That it was okay not to desire constant physical contact. To crave down-time, alone time. To require it. For my mental and emotional well-being.
Wow.
What a refreshing and liberating concept. And validating.
It told me what my soul already knew. But that my conscience(?) told me was a fault, a failing. A roadblock to caring for my children in the best way possible or giving them full affection.
All bull$h!t – except that the needs of modern motherhood don’t care about the stirrings of the soul.
Shortly after reading that resonant article, my children started summer vacation.
It’s all-kid, all-the-time. My three little darlings with me and each other 24/7.
It’s an adjustment for all of us. A change in schedule, company, routine. And no opportunity for down-time.
Ironically, the article that liberated me only a few weeks ago has imprisoned me in a summer cell now.
Maybe I wouldn’t be feeling such ennui at the equinox if I hadn’t received that introverted enlightenment.
If I thought that running roughshod with constant company, arts and crafts extravaganzas, beach days and late nights was status quo, maybe I wouldn’t be feeling so full – and not in a fulfilled way, but in an I-ate-a-little-of-everything-on-the-buffet-table-at-the-cookout-and-then-went-back-for-seconds sort of way.
But that enlightened author, in touch with her inner introvert, showed me a glimpse of eternal bliss and I can’t unsee it. If only I could see some quiet time in the future.
Chopping Potatoes 
It will go by quickly and you will get to have the down time you need. It’s very hard to be in it, but truly the time passes by before you even realize it. My sons are 35 and 29 and live very far away. The craziness seems like another lifetime. The only thing I wish I had realized then is that the intensity was not really forever (even though it felt like it was). Maybe then I wouldn’t have felt so restless, impatient and frustrated. Maybe!
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‘The intensity was not really forever’ – I may have to tattoo that to my forehead. It may not be forever but it’s been a pretty good stretch! Thank you for the perspective. I will try to remember that. Thank you.
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After a couple of days of summer holidays I am ready to melt (and it’s not just the heat!). And then I feel guilty for not doing enough with them. And then I feel guilty that I didn’t do a scrap of proper writing over the summer. And then I feel resentful… And then… And then… it’s very difficult, but there are a few rare moments of peace in the madness. Hope you do manage to find those and enjoy them!
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Moments of peace . . . aaaahhh. Just the utterance sounds heavenly.
I think the loss of writing may be hurting the most right now. How did you know?!
Thank you for the empathy – and sympathy!
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I love the article you shared. I dont have kids and one reason is because of this very thing. I have enough trouble getting through a week of work. I am not made for constant responsibility. May you find peace.
Danielle
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Constant responsibility. Yeah, that sucks. I suppose humans can find it in any corner of their lives, but children up the ante. 😉 Thank you for understanding the introvert angle – and your wish for peace. To you as well.
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Jennifer, don’t feel bad about being an introvert. My kids are grown but I felt the same way. We don’t love them less it is just the way we are. You may see other mothers as being happy to be involved 24/7 but there may be more going on underneath than you know. One thing I did was to have the habit of a quiet hour after lunch. It can be any time though. Everyone reads a book or plays alone quietly. Chances are at least one of your kids is also introverted and you will be more aware of how to help them with it in life. Better a sensitive introvert than well a lot of other things!
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Though it can be difficult sometimes, I do enjoy my sensitive introversion. I am quite comfortable with it – if I get those recharge times, which, as you know, is difficult as a mother. I sense that quiet times like those you mentioned are the key to a better summer, but honestly don’t even have the energy to enforce them. Though perhaps once they got used to the new routine, they would appreciate them as well – at least my more introverted middle!
Thanks for the perspective.
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My son closes school in two weeks, and this post is surreal, relatable… because many moms know too well the familiarity of guilt when we don’t do enough with the kids, and feel guilty when we do a lot with them and don’t get glimpses of inner peace when we running everywhere, diapers and dishes in hand.
Yet, I know too well the intensity isn’t forever. its that delicate balance…Thanks for sharing this!
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